Average
By Alison Colavecchia
8.31.01 (www.slowtwitch.com)

I take an average amount of milk in my coffee. I am neither a slob nor compulsive with my cleaning. I am of average weight and height (OK, I am stretching it on the height) and of average looks. I make a decent income––we are neither haves nor have nots.

We live in a nice but modest neighborhood and are never current with our renovations or projects. We do most of this work ourselves. We have to.

Our vacations are modest, and I have never been to the tropics. We have no exotic pets, but we do have a fish and gerbil for each child who permanently resides in our home. I have a solid work ethic and a community spirit.

I am an average citizen. I vote, I pay taxes and typically return my library books late. I belong to both a coffee group and a book club and faithfully attend both. I do most of our shopping at the local mall––no Gap or Roots––and heave everything into our small car or van. Our kids go to the local school and participate in sports programs through our Parks & Rec.

This is all OK… now.

Not all that long ago it wasn't. The house was supposed to be bigger, the cars better, my appearance new and improved. My job, I hoped, would help put a dent in things like child abuse, domestic violence and powerlessness. Our kids were supposed to be involved in competitive sports and perhaps (we thought) we ought to investigate a better school.

It isn’t that I thought about these things all the time or moved through my days in constant doubt. I didn’t. Now and again, though, I would think, "Gee, shouldn’t we be doing that? Is this good enough? How can I do better?"

In my teens I was concerned with measuring up physically. In my twenties, it was measuring up intellectually. In my thirties it's been trying to measure up against those folks who seem to juggle it all without dropping a ball.

Now, at the end of my thirties the need to measure up and keep up is wearing thin.

A bar was set for me in my youth––by me––that I have always tried very hard to live up to. I see now that this has not been healthy. My good effort is all I can ask of myself. To demand exceptional performance in all areas in all things––and be disappointed with anything less––is craziness.

This smacked me in the face when I began participating in triathlons. How could it be that I could enjoy and love something that was so hard, when clearly I was never going to excel or even be above average? Following my old thinking, I realized that meeting "the standard" would mean:

1. Some combination of selling the house or the cars, leaving the kids, divorcing my husband, quitting my job, dropping the coffee nights and the book club to devote more time to training; or,
2. Quitting triathlon to find some other area in which I could excel.

I wasn't happy with either. I needed a third option. Eventually, I made a decision––a very conscious one––to accept that I was a happy back-of-the-packer (potential M.O.P.'er) charged with the task of simply plugging along, fitting triathlon into the rest of my life. I want to give up nothing. I have a full life. It is a good life.

Outside triathlon I also needed to change things around. In the decade of my forties I want to embrace my Averageness. That is, I want to celebrate the things I do no better and no worse than anyone else. Enough with the keeping up and constant striving. Where is it written that being average is a character flaw? Why is average so underrated, anyway?

Accepting that I am average means accepting that like everyone else I have warts and wonders. It means honoring others' strengths and not feeling that I am weak because they are strong. It means celebrating my stubborn affinity for the impossible while acknowledging my below-average ability to exercise patience and sit still. It means appreciating my ability to work very, very hard but admitting that I sometimes lack proper focus and my work is therefore sometimes aimless. It also means accepting that on most days, in most other things, I am average… no more, no less.

I've decided that if I am going to push against anything from here on in, I want it to be the wind, the water and the earth. Maybe a race clock now and then. Have I done and been my best? That's my standard. Most days it will put me squarely in with the masses.

Still "averagely" tri'n