Finish lines
By Alison Colavecchia
3.28.02 (www.slowtwitch.com)


When people find out that I race (usually they’re surprised) I am often asked, "Why?" The quick and prepared answer is easy: Racing gives me something to push against, provides a focus for my training and feedback on any progress. But by far these are the lesser reasons. Really, I race for the finish lines.

After the gun has gone off and I am on my way to the finish line, I am free—free from all incomplete tasks, unkept promises and disappointments. I am free of others’ expectations and relieved of heavy emotions. There is release from the everyday, from the weight of being all of the other things that I am. For a short while I am only a triathlete, only a runner. There is no other me. I am a warrior and there is only the battle of the race.

On my way to the finish line, I die a thousand painful and slow deaths. I hear the battle cry of hundreds of warriors around me screaming, "Go home, you are a weak soldier, you have no right to be in the fight".

Ah… but what they do not know is that deep in the back of the pack, way in the back, I am learning to trust that every time a part of me dies, another is reborn, every time I hear their cries, I need not listen, need not go home. I need only continue to fight.

In my quest for the finish line, I watch myself do the unthinkable. I become a hero. I become every woman I have ever admired and every man who has ever achieved greatness. I am for a short while their equal. In each and every quest for the finish line, I rise above myself and fight the good fight.

When I cross that finish line every part of me that is inadequate is shushed. Every part of me that is weak is strong. Every part that has died is risen. As I cross the line I am strong, proud and victorious. I am invincible for a short while. I am a hero, a finisher. I have conquered every obstacle that was laid before me.

When I cross the finish line I know that I have fought and won both the battle and the war.

Alison Colavecchia
(A woman who now knows she can run for 3-and-a-half hours.)