Ripple Effects

By Alison Colavecchia
7.13.01 (www.slowtwitch.com)

Triathlon has insinuated its way into my life in a curious way. As a wife and mother of three children with a job, house and all else to attend to, it really makes little sense that I get involved in something that demands a fair bit of attention for even a moderate degree of "success." Yet it makes perfect sense. For with my commitment to triathlon have come a host of positive changes both within and around me, and it has not stopped with each year of triathlon involvement––with each breakthrough workout or finished race.

As a therapist, I have often asked clients to put themselves first, yet have struggled to follow my own advice. I have reminded clients that the way to maintain mental health is not to give every ounce of yourself away but rather to invest in yourself first. We women in particular are often lousy at this and then wonder why, every once and a while, we burn out, collapse, run out of steam or come to resent all of the demands and expectations placed upon us. Over the years, I have chosen less than stellar ways of taking care of myself like hitting the mall, the fridge or––when I could afford the hangover––wine in order to manage the demands of life and the weight of expectations. Participating in triathlons has meant learning to take care of myself in diverse healthy ways. I have had to declare "me" time, eat healthy, visit the doctor when needed, and learn not to ignore all those cues intended to warn me of an impending meltdown!

Learning to follow my own advice has taken time. In the beginning, I felt terribly guilty each trip out the door. This would often lead me to subtly sabotage workouts. I would put off leaving until the last minute for fear that I would be needed for this or that. When I first started training, the best time for my long rides was Saturday afternoon. These rides took the longest to claim. Imagine me taking prime family time and declaring it for myself! The surprising thing has been that when I go, somehow everyone copes without me. My husband has the children off to the library, out playing soccer or they find ways to putter on their own. They do not appear deprived in any way. How can this be? Am I not essential at all times, in all ways?

People of course can choose in what capacity, whether and how they wish to be a part of a changing process. Despite my assurances that becoming a triathlete was a value-added addition to my life and lifestyle, it has been a hard sell. I have had to work very hard to show my children, husband and others that my commitment to being a wife, mother and friend has not changed in any way now that triathlon is a part of my life. I have had to convince those around me (and me) that I am not trying to shirk my responsibilities or relationships, just hoping to feel more of myself in them.

In the beginning, there were some who saw this triathlon thing as another of my "phases"––even I had to wonder about this. Slowly, though, it feels as though we are all coming to accept triathloning as a part of me, as a part of how I, Alison, take care of me. It is beginning to feel as though we are relaxing a bit––coming to accept that this new part of my life is not intended to take away from the quality of our lives. Rather, it enhances it––even if only because I, Mom, am more content with myself, more content to simply be me.

Don't get me wrong, there are still flare-ups. As the demands of a racing season necessitate increased devotion to training and weekend races, acceptance is tested. I am tested by the fear of change that is present in my household, and I must overcome the inertia of the status quo. Sometimes it’s just my stubborn persistence that pays. So long as I make changes in ways that are considerate, flexible, and respectful toward others––and at the same time builds up my own sense of self––why go back to those old ways? Why always sacrifice ourselves in order to maintain a sense of predictability, when doing so just doesn’t make sense for the long run? These are the questions I have asked myself over and over again.

So while there are times when this new sport in my life has inconvenienced, or just plain wreaked havoc, on our household there are, at the same time, signs of positive ripple effects. I am learning not to apologize for taking care of myself or for having a stronger voice. I am getting better at ploughing through the more mundane tasks of everyday life and when opportunities arise, I am less afraid to take chances. For my 39th birthday I received a bike rack and an invitation from my husband to go on a first overnight bike trip. My niece and daughters' best friend both excitedly told me about their first cross-country races. How cool to exchange racing stories with these young girls! In a school project last year, my eldest daughter described myself and a friend, who also did a triathlon, as their athletic heroes. That right there made every painful workout, every sore muscle and every humble finish absolutely worth it. I was so proud to be seen as one of my children’s athletic heroes despite the plethora of hyped sports icons kids today have to choose from.

A final, delightful ripple is that our daughters have asked to do their first triathlon this summer and have convinced their best friends and maybe their cousin to join them. I have offered to help with their training and have had to promise not to embarrass them too much with my cheering and whistling!

Still Tri’n