UCI considered wheelie-bars

Disgusted with the antics of popular pro cyclist Peter Sagan, the technical committee of the UCI considered mandating wheelie bars on the bikes of certain repeat offenders, most notably Sagan. Such a solution would prevent the popping of wheelies.

The UCI's technical chairman, Haima Kiehl-Joie, aggressively campaigned behind closed doors for device attached to the rear dropouts of repeat offenders, according to sources in the technical committee meetings.

"We are just tired of the antics," Mr. Kiehl-Joie is reported to have said. "This is a serious sport, and the IOC is looking at our riders popping wheelies at the finish, and laughing. And not all that laughing is in good fun."

The proposed remedy would be a punative measure—a device [like the included image] attached to the dropouts of any rider popping a wheelie during a race on the UCI's global calendar. Such a device would remain attached for the next two races in which the athlete competes.

The idea was dropped when it became apparent that manufacturers had already seized on a technical solution.

"I welcome this," said Gerard Vroomen, a new equity owner in 3T Cycling alongside partner René Wiertz. "I've been champing at the bit to manufacture something that's more aerodynamic than anything else out there. I'm sure I can make a faster wheelie bar than Zipp can. In fact, if i design this thing right I can make Sagan's bike faster with a wheelie bar than without it."

This was, apparently, the last straw for Mr. Kiehl-Joie, who then realized the proposed new wheelie bar rule would actually serve to encourage wheelies.

"I can now imagine the entire peloton popping one huge community wheelie as it crosses the finish line. To hell with it. Let Sagan pop whatever he wants."