ST: What exactly do you mean by being more aggressive during the swim and bike?
Holly: By more aggressive, I mean more confident really. I used to be almost afraid or reluctant to really push myself and go for it. I’ve been able to cultivate more confidence in my ability and have been able to let it shine, to get out of my own way.
ST: A couple days ago I shared a feature about
Julie Furtado’s battle with depression and suicide thoughts and you passionately responded. Can you say why that topic touched you?
Holly: That article really spoke to me. I don’t often come across a story that speaks about struggling with depression and suicide in such a raw way. I lost my first boyfriend to suicide when I was 16. His mother took her own life just a few months afterwards. That was such a painful and dark period of my life. Although an experience like that could cause anyone to become depressed, I had actually struggled with depression from an even younger age, frankly as early as I can remember. Like Julie, I also grew up in an emotionally abusive household and ended up internalizing the negativity from the environment I was raised in. Feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, self-loathing and pessimistic tendencies are something that I manage as best I can most days.
ST: Is the sport helping you here?
Holly: Sport is a healer for sure. When I was younger, training was very much therapy; often serving a role as an escape mechanism. As I’ve gotten older, sport has morphed into a tool for growth and self-discovery. It’s more than what it was before, in a very positive way.
ST: Since training and racing has helped you, what else has helped you to overcome?
Holly: Developing others has been really something that has helped. Coaching has allowed me to step outside of myself and guide others to create something meaningful for themselves.
ST: Athletes in various sports including triathlon actually have performance related depression. Where their happiness is defined by how well their athletic effort went.
Holly: This sounds like a very dangerous place to be. I have a robust and diverse life outside of sport and although sport is a big part of my identity, it is not my everything. I actually don’t attribute much happiness to athletic outcomes. Those moments are so short lived and triathlon is such a niche environment in my eyes.